


Ambivalence

by Lunnashh



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:09:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9550490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunnashh/pseuds/Lunnashh
Summary: Taeyong knows it's stupid, but he just can't help it if he feels territorial. Or five times Taeyong feels jealous and the one time he knows he won't need to feel jealous anymore.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [NCTprompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/NCTprompts) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
> Jaehyun is the clingy one in public, but behind closed door Taeyong is the one who can't leave Jaehyun's side.

 

Jaehyun is an affectionate person by nature. He's comfortable with skinship and doesn't hesitate to shower the people he loves with, well, love. A hand-holding when they're walking down the street, a surprise hug attacks between practice breaks, even cheek-bumps when he's feeling exceptionally merry. He also loves it when people do the same towards him. He loves it when his hyungs ruffle his hair, when his dongsaengs cling to his arms, when they poke his dimples or pinch his cheeks playfully. 

Taeyong loves that about Jaehyun, how he's so genuine in his gestures that he makes everyone feel precious. By comparison, Taeyong is not really keen on prolonged physical contact. Not because he hates it, he just prefers to have his personal space intact. He feels rather awkward about it too, often thinking too much about lines to cross. What if they're uncomfortable? What if they don't like it? What if he's not cuddly enough? He's been told (by a whiny Ten) that he makes a lousy cuddle buddy because he's bony and tense.

Jaehyun understands him. Jaehyun doesn't demand constant skin-to-skin contact with him, doesn't get upset when Taeyong gently nudges his clinging arm away, doesn't mind when Taeyong rarely initiates skinship. Taeyong is considerably lenient with Jaehyun anyway, and he's improved his tolerance because he does love his members a lot.

Taeyong's the one setting this limit, yet he's the one getting frustrated over it himself. If it were anyone else, he wouldn't mind. He likes seeing the hyungs feed Jisung with snacks, he likes seeing Jeno and Jaemin walking arm-in-arm, he likes seeing Ten all handsy with more than one person at once, he likes seeing his members getting along.

If it were Jaehyun, however...he finds himself feeling territorial. He tries so hard to repress it but he can't help wanting to be the (only) one receiving Jaehyun's affection. He can't help it when Jaehyun does skinship almost everytime with practically everyone. He's just like an oversized cat nuzzling all over the place demanding to be petted, and who are they to deny their dear Jaehyun's whims?

 

~*~

 

"What if I mess up? What if--what if I stutter? Or misspell someone's name?"

For the 5th time in the span of 10 minutes, after Jaehyun is yet again walking in circles and will probably make burn marks on the carpet soon, Doyoung fixes him with a smile. Patient, or probably just utterly done. "You won't mess up, Jaehyunnie. We've practiced. You've practiced. It'll all be alright."

"You're good, Jaehyun. We all think so, too," Taeyong tries to placate the poor boy who's vibrating with nerves. Understandable. He even asked the members to watch him simulate emcee-ing last night.

"No, Doyoung-hyung is good. I think I need to practice--"

"Sit down, Jaehyun-ah, you're going to tire yourself," Taeyong pulls the younger's flailing arms until Jaehyun dumps his ass on the couch beside him. Jaehyun pouts, a moue on his face like he's thinking too much but can't do much. Doyoung heaves a sigh, sitting on Jaehyun's other side on the couch.

"I want it to be perfect," Jaehyun confesses quietly.

Taeyong rolls his eyes. Of course he does, that over achieving brat. "Nothing is perfect," Taeyong says. _Except maybe your stupid face_ , he doesn't say.

"Wow, thanks a lot, hyung," Jaehyun shoves weakly at his arm.

"What he meant to say is," Doyoung clucks his tongue and squishes Jaehyun's cheeks between his palms, slowly turning his head around until Jaehyun has to turn towards him to avoid uncomfortable neck crick. He presses them together until Jaehyun resembles a bloatfish. "It's okay to make mistakes. We'll learn from them. One step at a time, yeah? I've got you."

Jaehyun is now resembling a goldfish from the way his lips are moving but no sounds are coming out. Doyoung holds Jaehyun's stare for a few moments and Taeyong's almost positive he's undergoing hypnotism, until Jaehyun makes a non-committal 'uh-uh'. Only then Doyoung tears his hands away, an easy smile mirroring Jaehyun's own.

"I've got you," Doyoung repeats, softer, while patting the back of Jaehyun's palm.

Jaehyun's smile turns into a full-fledged grin before he tackles Doyoung with a bear hug. "Thanks, hyung. You're the best partner I could've ever asked."

" _Yah_ ," Taeyong protests, "He stole my words."

Jaehyun sticks his tongue out.

Taeyong kicks his butt for good measure.

 

~*~

 

Mark says that he and Jaehyun could've been brothers were they to be born again. They have similar tastes in a lot of things; the clothes they wear, the video games they play, the movie genres they're interested in, and sometimes the brand of the stupid chips that they like to smuggle into their room late at nights. Taeyong notices that Mark likes to confide most with Jaehyun and Johnny, especially back then when his Korean still sounds funny. Jaehyun being his roomate for the time of their debut has strengthen their bond too. Some nights he can hear Mark strumming his guitar to accompany Jaehyun's melodious humming.

Some nights when Taeyong can't sleep and ended up wandering around to check on the others, he'll see Jaehyun and Mark curled around each other on their bottom bunk bed. Despite the tight squeeze and both their growing bodies, they seem to make it work comfortably well.

And Mark gets to be kissed on his cheek too.

Taeyong wants to cry because it's such a heartwarming sight--Mark shyly sidling up to Jaehyun with arms behind his back and slightly offering his cheek until Jaehyun smiles and pecks him--but Taeyong wants that. So bad. And the thing is he's pretty sure it'll be odd if he demands kisses from Jaehyun out of the blue. Not to mention embarassing. The fierce Lee Taeyong, demanding kisses? How would he explain that? ' _Oh, nothing, I just think it'll be nice to be kissed by you. Or kiss you. Not on the lips, of course. But if you don't mind then I certainly don't. Haha.'_

"Hyung, I'm going to bed first 'kay?" Mark has rinsed the last pile of dishes clean and peels off his rubber gloves. Jaehyun hums an acknowledgement while he wipes the dining table with a cloth. Taeyong, silently helping Jaehyun store their leftover food in the fridge, sees Jaehyun bending down to kiss Mark's cheek. When Jaemin and Donghyuck, too, are done placing their bowls on the drying rack, they crane their necks with grins on their face until Jaehyun chuckles and kisses their cheeks too. Jaehyun says thank you and waves the three goodnight.

Taeyong stares absently at the fridge door, a magnet button attaching one of Jisung's doodles. He hovers behind Jaehyun who's wiping his hand on a towel, "I guess I'm going to bed, too."

Jaehyun hums again and, to Taeyong's surprise, turns around and looks about ready to plant a kiss on Taeyong's cheek. Taeyong freezes on the spot and zeroes in on Jaehyun's puckered lips--

"Oh," Jaehyun jerks back at the last moments, as if he was expecting to see the minirookies there instead of Taeyong, and then barks a surprised laugh, "Sorry, habits."

Taeyong pretends not to feel the disappointment--the anguished cry inside his brain in the Jung Jaehyun compartment that is demanding 'where's my goodnight kiss?!'--as Jaehyun pats his shoulder instead and waves him goodnight.

 

~*~

 

Around those older than him, Jaehyun is a blunt, often-mischievous little brat that enjoys being pampered. He acts cute in front of his hyungs (and he knows he's effortlessly cute, dammit) whether for attention, affection, or downright covert bribery. They let him get away with his mischief because Jaehyun is just that lovely. Not even the deadpanned Hansol is immune to his aegyo.

Around those younger than him, Jaehyun tones down his childlike spirit a little bit and, commendably, becomes a reliable hyung himself. He nurtures his mother henning instincts and they all follow him around like baby chicks.

Especially Jeno; he practically imprints on Jaehyun. Jaehyun feeds him bits of his mammoth bread and kisses him goodnight, calls him 'our Jeno' and gushes with pride at whatever Jeno has achieved. Jeno has shown those Jaehyun-ish qualities--calm and collected and charming (although his dry jokes are beyond help). He's a heartthrob too at school. And though slightly off topic, they do have similar eyesmiles and look alike at times.

"Do you think we could pass off as siblings?" Jaehyun is hugging Jeno tight, squishing their cheeks together while they're both sporting crescent-like eyesmiles. "Could I pass off as Dream member?"

"Uh," Taeyong doesn't know why he's the one being asked.

"Oh, I see, you don't think I'm cute," Jaehyun gives a faux gasp, pretending to soothe his aching chest.

When the two youngest China-line are introduced, Renjun's immediately taken a shine to Jaehyun. It's very clear in the way his eyes sparkle the moment they land on Jaehyun. The boy starts speaking animatedly with Chenle beside him, leaving the rest of the members in the dark. Except Winwin, of course. So Taeyong turns to ask him for guidance, "What is it? What is he saying?"

Winwin urges Renjun to elaborate further on his excited rambling. After a while, Winwin chuckles and pats Renjun's head, "He says Jaehyun looks like a Moomin."

Taeyong knows what a Moomin is. It's a cartoon character; a white, gentle-looking creature with a soft tummy. A description that is befitting to Jaehyun, too, more or less. Taeyong just doesn't know why Jaehyun seems to take it as a full-on compliment, because now he's smiling so wide and bending down to give Renjun a big hug. His reaction is way better than when people say he looks like Siwon or Suho.

"That's the sweetest thing I've heard today," Jaehyun coos.

"But I just complimented your cooking," never mind the fact that Jaehyun's cooked it a hundred times before (and Doyoung's starting to have enough) and it's always tasted just as great. Taeyong makes that clear to Jaehyun.

Jaehyun grins sheepishly, "But you always do that, so..."

Taeyong huffs.

 

~*~

 

Winwin isn't as clueless as he's letting on most of the time. Absent-minded and sometimes unpredictable, yes, but he's actually quite perceptive and quick to catch things, even when he has difficulties expressing himself. He arrives in their dorm as this lanky, often blank-faced boy barely fluent in basic Korean. Now, a fast learner (and still lanky), he's improved so much he no longer needs a translator for every few words he's heard or seen.

They're the same age, so it's understandable that Winwin and Jaehyun stick together more. Despite Winwin's broken Korean, Jaehyun doesn't seem to have difficulties reading what's in Winwin's mind. Taeyong can't help but roll his eyes when Jaehyun said that Winwin's a giant baby. As if he isn't one himself.

As much as Taeyong's glad that Winwin feels more and more at home in Korea, he's beginning to get amusingly unnerved at the way Winwin and Jaehyun...communicate, so to speak.

One day Taeyong happens to come across Jaehyun and Winwin, sitting at opposite ends of the living room couch and staring mutely at each other. Taeyong thought that they're fighting but, after a minute of observation in which both boys don't even as much as twitch, they look so relaxed without the slightest frown. Winwin is blinking owlishly, while Jaehyun has his default sleepy smile on.

Suddenly Winwin makes a gesture with his right hand, saying some words in Chinese that Taeyong can't quite catch. Then somehow, with the context unclear and the meaning lost for Taeyong, Jaehyun finds it funny. He's laughing. His 'eu-hahaha' and followed by a snort so deep he sounds choked. As if it isn't puzzling enough, Jaehyun retorts in English, saying 'orange', and lo behold Winwin bursts into laughter himself.

"Oh, wait, wait, I know," Jaehyun scoots closer to Winwin until their thighs touch. He then lifts his hands and spreads his fingers, moving them around and saying 'pee-po-pee-po' like he's imitating a siren.

As they both collapse into giggles while clutching onto each other, Taeyong finds himself so very lost.

"So what are you guys up to?" Taeyong moves around the couch to sit between them.

Jaehyun grunts. And then he says something in Chinese. Winwin snorts.

Taeyong's eyes narrow, "What? What did you just say?"

Jaehyun bites his lip, "I said I love you, hyung."

"No you didn't," Taeyong almost chokes on his breath. Oh how he wished.

Winwin takes pity on him, "He said--"

Jaehyun bolts away so quickly, all the while laughing, that Taeyong doesn't have the chance to give him a noogie.

 

~*~

 

Johnny Seo has a death wish.

Everyone has, at some point, ranging between nagging about Taeyong's nagging to hiding his Febreze stock (that's what friends are for after all). However, Johnny is exceptionally trying nowadays. It doesn't help that he's lacking any inhibitions because of their long history together. It doesn't help when Johnny seems to know that Taeyong has the hots for Jaehyun. It doesn't help that Johnny's currently roomates with Jaehyun and won't stop rubbing it on Taeyong's face.

He'll casually throw in some 'did you know that Jaehyun...' and 'so last night he...' every other day and Taeyong is starting to go insane.

"Did you know that he sleeptalks? I think he caught that from Mark. I'm not even sure if they can be contagious or not...anyway I asked him who he likes better, Yuta or you, and he actually said--"

Jaehyun pops his head out of the kitchen and gives them the stinky eyes. "Are you guys talking about me?"

"No--what are you wearing?" Taeyong eyeballs Jaehyun's blue stripes onesie and the fluffy yellow slippers that look humongous on Jaehyun's feet. He looks like Bananas in Pyjamas.

"Youngho-hyung said we're going to Netflix and chill," Jaehyun grins, showing off two cups of Swiss Miss hot cocoa in his hands.

"But you know," Ten suddenly pipes up, long after Johnny has shepherded Jaehyun into their shared room, "Netflix and chill actually means fucking..."

Taeyong hurtles into Johnny's and Jaehyun he almost breaks the door off its hinges--to the sight of both boys sprawling on the floor with pillowforts and marshmallow packages around them. Johnny's laptop is playing Barbie Live in the Dreamhouse. A sight so domestic and 180 degree to Taeyong's expectation. Jaehyun chides him for not knocking first, burrowing further under the swaddling blankets and towards Johnny's side. Johnny's sending Taeyong a dirty leer.

"What the fuck, Ten?" Taeyong hollers towards the living room where the Thai is absolutely laughing his ass off. "Whatever. I'm done."

"You don't wanna join us?" Johnny has the gall to nuzzle against the crown of Jaehyun's head.

Jaehyun quirks his mouth in a hopeful smile.

"No," Taeyong turns on his heels and doesn't fall asleep until he's imagined yanking Johnny's perfect hair off his scalp in 5 different scenarios.

 

~*~

 

"Seriously, make up your mind."

Jaehyun stops typing at his phone and makes a confused sound at the back of his throat. He's lying on his belly at the bunkbed, pillow stuffed under his chin and toes peeking from beneath his blanket. Taeyong wants to yank him off the bed and yell because such irrelevant sight shouldn't have fluttered his heart this way. Jaehyun won't stop being such a darling to everyone and Taeyong can't stop thinking about that. Taeyong doesn't plan on stopping. 

"You said Doyoung's your partner, then Mark's your other half, but you want to marry Yuta," Taeyong has entered the other's room with the intention of borrowing Jaehyun's handcream, but one thing leads to another and he needs to get this feeling--these stupid feelings--out there or he's going to combust into flames.

"I don't want to marry _marry_  Yuta-hyung, he said he's going to take his spouse hiking for honeymoon. I hate hiking," Jaehyun turns his phone off and puts all of his attention to the elder.

"So if you're a girl, which one of us you'd like to marry?"

"I don't need to be a girl to want to marry a guy," Jaehyun gives him a funny look. "But hyung, I'm 19, I don't want to marry yet."

"Good point," Taeyong snaps his finger. When Jaehyun falls silent and seems to drop the subject, Taeyong sits on the edge of the bed and tugs Jaehyun's shirt. "But seriously--"

Jaehyun scrunches his face, "What brought these on?"

"Would you marry me?" Taeyong thinks, _whoo boy,_ might as well. He stares so hard at the mole on Jaehyun's left cheek and wills it to turn into a black hole and swallow him whole. Jaehyun gets so unbearably quiet for five minutes Taeyong almost thinks he's either brain dead or preparing to push Taeyong off the window.

" _Yes_. I mean," Jaehyun makes a vague gesture with his hands, and even in the dim lighting Taeyong can see his face progressively turning darker shades of red. "You're handsome, you clean and you cook, although not that much of a cuddler--is this what I think it is?"

Taeyong takes Jaehyun's fidgety hands in his own and it somehow gets easier to breathe, easier to look at Jaehyun's eyes and say, "Sorry...but, yeah, if you'd like to?"

Jaehyun says 'oh', eyes flitting from Taeyong's to their hands and back to Taeyong.

His dimples look so evident when Jaehyun's holding back his smile, "Yeah, sure, of course."

"You know," Johnny's sleepy voice startles them so bad that they almost knock their foreheads together. "Most people start with dating before jumping into the bigger boat. And I'm his papa Johnny so you gotta ask permission first, kid."

"Shut up, Youngho," Taeyong flips him the bird, a pathetic attempt because Youngho doesn't even bother peering down his place.

"As long as you don't plan on making out on random places," there's a rustle of blanket accompanying Johnny's cackle.

"Shut up, Youngho-hyung."

Johnny does peer down after that.

 

~*~

 

Jaehyun is still as touchy-feely as ever. He gains comfort from touching his loved ones and doesn't shy away from receiving the same treatment. He still kisses the little ones goodnight and clings to the older ones. He still basks in it not unlike a sunflower soaking in the sunlight.

But now Taeyong gets free rein on hogging all Jaehyun's attention and affection. Jaehyun serves as a pretty comfortable makeshift pillow so Taeyong likes to lean on his shoulder, or lie down on his belly, and Jaehyun will stroke his hair like he's the kitten. He likes to tangle their fingers together so Jaehyun doesn't stray far (he tends to get a tad sidetracked). In the instances where they get to share a bed for the night, roomates bedamned, Taeyong will hold Jaehyun close, nose to nose and chest to chest. He doesn't forget to kiss him goodnight.

Nobody blinks twice anymore when Taeyong is all over Jaehyun (except Ten who still likes to snap pictures), but most of the times, he saves it for behind closed doors.

"I didn't know you're such a cuddler," Jaehyun will tease him sometimes, eyes crinkling into slits from how wide he's grinning.

Taeyong just shuts him up with a kiss.

 

~*~

 

**Author's Note:**

> First started: 13-Nov-2016  
> Finished: 2-Feb-2017
> 
> My take on this prompt (lol isn't this just pointless fluff), been sitting in my drafts because I'm stuck at some parts...I have so much I wanna write & there are some really great prompts but as always I'm a slow writer -_- hope u guys like it!
> 
> Comments are ♡  
> Find me on Twitter @ lunnashh ^^


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